Slytherin House Rules
Lesson 1: How to Annoy Muggles

1. Vanish their cars. Muggles seem to have no other mode of transportation. They will waste hours searching for their lost vehicle when they could have already taken a train or walked to their destination. This should keep them out of your hair for an extended period of time.

2. Turn out their electricity. Muggles seem to rely on this most heavily. They seem unable to comprehend the dignified use of candles and lanterns. Interestingly, through the use of a device that runs on electricity called a television, Muggles waste vast amounts of their time staring at other people in a tiny little box. In addition, Muggles seem unable to function without electricity in the dark. They will merely retire to bed once the sun sets allowing you plenty of Muggle free hours.

3. Change their milk to pumpkin juice. In addition to annoying them, this is a cause of great amusement as you watch them spew all over themselves.

4. Place an impendimenta spell on their computer. While we are not exactly sure the function of this device, Muggles seem to require speed. Use this spell with caution, however, as it frequently causes the Muggles to lash out irrationally, yell at the device and, in some cases, has caused them to lift the device from his resting place and fling it far across the room.

5. Insist that you are a wizard. Muggles will refuse to believe you no matter how seriously you tell them this. In fact, it seems the more insistent you become of the intricacies and existence of the wizarding world, the more erratic they become. They come up with rather comical explanations as to why there is no such thing and will become agitated and angry if you continue to insist. Should you hear the words “mental institution,” “institutionalized,” or “committed” please note that your fun is now over and it is time to move on to another Muggle subject.